“Write Drunk, Edit Sober”

Ernest Hemingway said it best.

Is this sound advice? Probably not. But I guess that’s technically a personal preference. But what I discovered last night while reading through some old iPhone notes is that I should probably not write drunk, ever.

Let me explain why with a poem.

February 16, 2014 (my last semester of college)
1:25 AM

I like to write poems while drunk,
and in the process, think about a hunk.
My boyfriend is a good looking boy,
and I love him as much as I hate soy.
I had way too much to drink tonight.
It’ll be awhile before this happens again, alright?

Raise your hand if you either laughed hysterically, or did an epic facepalm at some point during that, uh, “poem.”

Seriously, I mean, I’m by no means gifted at poetry. But I turned in a few during my time at college that did not get ripped to shreds, so I’m at least okay at it. But THIS. My god!

But there’s also this masterpiece, written the same evening. This time, a short story:

Once upon a time, a circus clown riding a camel watched the sky turn black. He had no idea why, but got his camel to ride towards it anyway. They got to the mysterious part of the area and realized it was raining black raisins. The raisins turned the sky black. The clown shrugged, and said to his camel, “I don’t know, just pop it in your mouth and chew.”

Y’all. What.

That’s all I have to say to these is WHAT.

I, for one, find this all to be hilarious. I’m not ashamed of any of this. I mean, I facepalmed and laughed at the same time, but still! I wish I had more to read!

Am I not searching the right terms, or does a collection of drunken poetry or short stories not exist? I mean, I don’t particularly know that I should write a collection of drunken anything, because more than anything it apparently would read more like a book written by a six year old. BUT I personally would TOTALLY BUY ONE if it existed.

Go vote in my Twitter poll (open until about 6pm EST January 16)!

Would you buy a satirical poetry collection where all the poems were written while extremely drunk? #amwriting #RT

— Danielle (@daniellemusings) January 15, 2016

I mean, if you’d like to possibly submit a poem or piece of flash fiction that you wrote while you were drunk, hit me up with an email (use my Request a Review contact form) or Tweet me. (Please be able to prove you’re of legal drinking age, ha, haha [nervous laugh].)

Because a book of this nature should exist, dammit. 

Here’s some fun examples by my fiance (who has had a lot to drink) —

A few haikus:

The girl is picking
flowers in the meadow. She
is happy and grand.

The Christmas tree is
still up after Christmas and
it’s time. Take it down.

The dog is sleeping
and she needs to go to bed.
But we are still up.

For the record, he’s the farthest thing from a writer. He does not understand how I read books (GASP). It was hilarious waiting for him to come up with the first one. It took him like twenty minutes. Then they started flowing right out of him!

We NEED a book full of stuff like this. But maybe written by people who write, haha! For the record, I am sober. This post would probably be even funnier if I was drunk though. I kind of want to try writing one now. But then I’d become The Intoxicated Writer instead. I don’t know that that’s a good thing for my well-being, haha.

But I’m just saying. Drunken poetry and flash fiction. Would you buy it?

---

Be honest, have you ever written while you were inebriated? Enough so that you woke up the next morning wondering if a small child broke into your house and played on your computer?