Well, here we are. I am officially done with every part of the 2020-2021 school year. At the end of last summer, I had every doubt that I could make it through this school year in general without a full on mental breakdown. Every day challenged me in a new way, and forced me to look at my own life, thoughts, behavior, personal expectations, self-doubt. I learned who’s really on my team, and who wears two faces better than I thought they did. Most importantly, I learned that I can make it through anything.
It’s crazy how your own mind can work against you, convincing you with every fiber of your being that you are not worth the love and appreciation other people have to give; that you are not great at what you do no matter how many people tell you otherwise; that everyone would be better off when you’re not around.
I faced a lot of insanely dark moments, dark thoughts over the last school year – thoughts I’d never encountered before even in challenging times. I’m thankful for having the insight into my own mind to seek help before things got too bad, and even though I spent a lot of time thinking I was a burden on everyone, I couldn’t have made it through without those people (who btw said I never was a burden, obviously).
I am so excited to spend the next 8 weeks at home, taking the time to truly recuperate from the year. This summer, I’m hoping to just do things I enjoy, take care of myself physically and mentally, and prepare myself to start fresh again in August with lots of new responsibilities and a much larger leadership role.
Every school year is just another chapter in the book of my life. Summer vacation is like the intermission in between. Every chapter eventually ends, and the main character learns from what happened and moves on. Life kinda works the same way. Every day is a new beginning, a new page. What’s important is that we learn our lessons from the previous pages, but we don’t dwell on them forever. At some point, you just have to
turn the page.
To remind myself of this everyday, I decided the best way to commemorate my transition from this depressive phase and awful school year to a new phase full of wonders and mystery is with a tattoo. My first one ever! A constant reminder to turn the page.
I’m thankful for the support from those of you who’ve followed along here with my occasional blog posts and poems. I never forgot about the support I had here, and knew I could always find a friend when I needed one.
Here’s to turning the page and seeing what’s next.